


Cucumber

by Tarek_giverofcookies



Series: Good omens food fics [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: M/M, Other, Plants, South Downs, cucumber, cucumbers are prickly, feral Aziraphale I suppose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:35:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24116641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarek_giverofcookies/pseuds/Tarek_giverofcookies
Summary: Cucumbers are more trouble than they are worth
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Good omens food fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1740106
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	Cucumber

**Author's Note:**

> I split this into multiple works instead of chapters now. I think that makes more sense.

Cucumbers

Cucumbers are secretly dangerous buggers. When they arrive on your plate, sliced up in a salad, they are nothing more than bright crunchy circles that you spear with your fork. When you pick them up from a store, they are stacked neatly together. Unassuming green logs that you pick up and put in your cart. Then in your fridge. Where there is a fifty percent chance that it will rot and turn into a green noodle.

But growing cucumbers? And picking them? Whole 'nother story.

Aziraphale glared at the cucumber patch. Crowley had told him that cucumbers were annoying plants. They got uppity and liked to take over garden beds. More trouble than they were worth. But Aziraphale had asked for just one plant. And Crowley acquiesced. As he always did. So now Aziraphale was left glaring at a sprawling leafy thing, stretching far larger than it had any right to. He had watched as the bees had buzzed around the little yellow flowers. He had enjoyed watching the green starts of the cucumbers growing, with the little stub of yellow flowers clutching shriveled at the end. And now, finally, he could pick one. 

The cucumber he wanted was long and straight, no bumps or deformations. It was just plump enough that the seeds had not grown too large, but not too thin that the skin overwhelmed the flavor. Aziraphale may not have ever grown a cucumber, but he knew what a good cucumber looked like.

So he reached down to pick it.

"Fuck."

Crowley popped his head out of the doorway, hiding a smile. Aziraphale glared up at him.  
"What was that, Angel?"

Aziraphale grumbled and reached out again, his hands touching the cucumber gently, wary of the spines. Not huge spines, like a cactus, but far more dangerous. Because they were unexpected.

He tried for another angle. His hands brush against a stem and he yelled.

Crowley frowned from the doorway, enjoying this less now. "Aziraphale  
…"

Aziraphale growled, "I don't need gloves! I will not be bested by a plant!"

Crowley nodded and wisely said nothing. 

Aziraphale reached for the cucumber one last time and with a yank, tried to yank it off the stem. He pulled the whole plant from the ground. 

He stared at the cucumber. Then to Crowley, who looked at him with barely suppressed laugher. He looked back at the cucumber.

He raised his hand to snap, then thought better of it. He reached down and pulled the cucumber, still attached to the whole plant, and bit directly into the center. 

He chewed slowly. The cucumber was a good cucumber, firm with a satisfying crunch. But.

Aziraphale dropped the mangled cucumber to the ground and went into the cottage.  
He looked back at Crowley.  
"Fine," Aziraphale hissed. "Cucumbers are more trouble than they're worth."

Crowley watched him stomp into their kitchen to make a cup of cocoa, then turned to look out at the garden.

Cucumbers were more trouble than they were worth, on that he and his angel wholeheartedly agreed.


End file.
